Women's Health is Human Health

Content:  infertility, reproductive health, women's health



I was going to share a pancake recipe today.

I'll share the pancake recipe later. (Promise)

But today I have to share some feelings about a doctor's visit I had yesterday.

It's not a secret that I wasn't thrilled with my last gynecologist.  She prescribed me pre-natal vitamins after I told her I was NOT actively trying to get pregnant.  Her exams were rough to the point of painful.  She offered no suggestions for fibroid care before my tumor was large enough to excise. She waited until it was too late for me to request more time off from work to tell me that, really, 2 weeks was not going to be enough recovery time (this was information I had needed months prior).  She did not answer all of the questions I had prior to surgery (she literally responded to my question about the tumor being submucosal with "I don't have an answer for that").  She dismissed my request for physical therapy after surgery (in spite of the fact that my abdominal muscles were trashed and I have a history of back problems--"there's no need for PT after this surgery" she said).  She dismissed my concerns about my GI distress during recovery (thank goodness my GP referred me to a good PT and GI doc) and my issues with body temperature control (a common sign of thyroid issues--again, caught by my GP).  She *did* do a very professional job on my surgery, which is to say--she's a good surgeon.  But as a doctor, I was not pleased with our relationship.  I wasn't ready to pull the plug, though, until my last visit with her, about 9 months ago, 6 months after the surgery, when she suggested fertility treatments.

"I'm not trying to get pregnant."  I said.  We had had this conversation already.  I had told her two years ago that I wasn't interested in pursuing fertility treatments.  I had told her two years ago that I believed I had more to offer this world than my genetics.  "Are you sure?"  She said.  "I just don't want you to have any regrets."

Lady.  Do you really think I haven't given this a LOT of thought? 

My only regret was not looking for a new OBGYN years ago.

That was the moment when I knew she wasn't going to be my doctor any more.  I told her I was more interested in training for a marathon than getting pregnant.  (Did I mention I'm training for a marathon and raising money for breast cancer??  Did I mention?? A million times??  You can help out here!)

When the next summer came around and I had time to take care of some adulting, I made an appointment with a different gynecologist, a recommendation from a colleague of mine.  It took a few weeks of phone calls and asking for paperwork to be sent (which is way more stressful than I expected it to be--"why do you need this sent?" asks the office manager "uh, because I want to break up with your boss."  It's awkward. ) but I finally got everything sorted out to have a preliminary visit with this new doc to talk about my history and request a sonogram (there's always a chance of recurrence with fibroids, and it's smart to get scanned regularly if you're able). 

This new doctor--she was incredible.  She *listened* to me when I told her my story.  She nodded understandingly when I said I thought the surgery had unleashed a whole world of health issues (that were likely underlying but never at full blast before).  She agreed that the fibroids and Hashimoto's have probably played a large part in my inability to become pregnant, even in the brief time when we were 'trying' (my previous doc more or less shrugged off these suggestions).  And when I said that I thought I had more to offer the world than my genetics, she paused, and said "that's a really beautiful philosophy."

She never once suggested fertility treatment.  She never once assumed that I was interested in becoming pregnant.  She smiled and chuckled when I told her we're terrible at money and I already have lots of children in my life.  She UNDERSTOOD (or at least pretended well enough to fool me).  She suggested that, if we do find any new fibroids, we should look into early intervention and minimally invasive procedures to avoid another open surgery.  She nodded sympathetically when I told her that the last one was a living nightmare.

When I came home yesterday after the appointment, it was barely dinner time.  I dined on pistachios, tater tots and salami (my version of a cheat night) and collapsed into tears of gratitude and relief before beating the sun to bed.

For the first time in three years, maybe for the first time ever, a gynecologist treated me as a HUMAN BEING looking to be healthy, and not as a potential baby-making machine.  She treated the whole person. I'm a whole person.

A pregnant friend of mine recently mentioned how disillusioned she had become with women's health care, as she felt that medical professionals often cared more about her unborn child than they did about her.  Even as an un-pregnant person, I have felt that way. 

Doctors, please, if you are reading this--we, your patients, are more than reproducers. We are more than organs.  We are more than the sum of our parts.  We are human souls living in beautiful but frequently problematic bodies seeking holistic wellness.  Please remember this.  Babies are beautiful, and procreation is wonderful, but it is only a fraction of women's health.  We all want to be treated as whole people, regardless of our family plans.

Thank you to everyone at Women for Women in New Hyde Park for showing me what wellness care can be like.